Gender Issues
Yes,I have major gender issues at the moment.Yesterday,I had yet another conversation in the supermarket with an older woman.I have had similar conversations countless number of times during the last few months and they drive me mad.They go like this:
Woman: Hello there! Not long to go now.
Me: No,just a few more weeks.
Woman: You must be very excited.Do you know if it's a boy or girl yet?
Me: Oh yes.It's another girl.
Woman: Oh dear.Really?So you'll be trying for a third then because you must have a boy.
Me: ................................
What is it with people??I know that here in Japan it used to be very important to have an heir and the over 50's still think a son is necessary to carry the family name as well as to take all the family responsibilities in the future and look after the older generation when the time comes.But nowadays things have changed.First born sons do not necessarily stay in their town of birth to carry on the family line.They go and live their lives as they wish.The pressure is not,in most cases,there any more.It is a dying tradition.And the irony is that most of the ladies who have told me that I must "try again for a boy" usually have sons who have left home and this area .
And on the subject of gender,another bee in my bonnet is the Boys versus Girls issue.What is it with people who have,for example,all boys saying to another all boy family how glad that they are that they only have sons?And of course,it works the other other way round for the all girl families as well.I hear these ridiculous comments being flung around about "Boys are best" or "Girls are the greatest" ,"Aren't we luck to have just boys/girls",etc.Sorry,but there is something wrong here.
I am happy and blessed because I will have 2 children.I am also happy that we didn't have to spend more money on clothes for the baby as she will have Annie's collection,skint flint that I am.But I do love shopping for girl's clothes as they are gorgeous and there is a wider range for girls.The End.
Basically ,what I want to say to the people who think that we should have another baby and hope and pray for a boy, and for those people who somehow feel that one gender "rules" is this....
Love your children for who they are,not what they are.
posted by marianne at
11:25 am
8 Comments:
Oh that just pisses me off to no end too! I have 2 boys and that is the way it turned out. Granted, I would been happy either way! But yeah, I get comments like that too every once in a while.
The dreaded..."will you try for baby #3 and have a girl?" My reply is "no, our family is complete and besides having a baby #3, doesn't necessarily mean it would be a girl, now would it?" Know what I mean? : )
I think the important thing is, (as I am sure you kwim) we actually all have healthy kids and be satisfied with that. Because some people are not so lucky and have children with disabilities and have a lot more challenges to face then us having 2 kids of the same gender.
My MIL for example told me for the first whole year Noah was born. Insert major scoffing here from the mil* (this is what she said to me) "Bwahaha, you poor thing you didn't have a girl, you had 2 boys how tiring it will be for you!!!" Boy oh boy, Marianne, did I bite my tongue with her on that one! It took every ounce of patience I had to keep my mouth shut.: )
Wow... so interesting all these things that will come to be...
I agree that children are a blessing at that it is a shame some people are so stuck on having a "set" as you would say. As I type this we'd like to have 3 so I'm hoping that whatever gender they are they will be happy and healthy and damn cute.
(That being said... there is part of me that would love having at least 1 little girl to doll up but we'll see!!)
after we had sasha, most people thought we were 'done', including my MIL who said to yoshi, 'now you don't need any more children.' ha! little did she know that i had my heart set on three and yoshi was indulging me. ;)
just another one of those things that people think they need to know...
The only pressure for me to have a third child is coming from Maia and Polly, my lovely daughters, who REALLY want a baby brother. We have quite a few friends who are expecting babies right now, plus four other friends who have babies under 6 months old, and Maia and Poll are fascinated by the whole process... and also love being little mamas themselves. I have no plans for a third child, was actually warned by the doc, after delivering Poll, not to carry another baby unless I wanted some devastating physical consequences, so there's no chance of my getting pregnant now anyway. A little part of me is sad that the choice was taken away but also it's made me really appreciative of what I do have: two happy, healthy children.
I agree Marianne: it's the 'who' not the 'what' that's important.
Gina,your MIL sounds like mine...and as they share the same name,not such a big surpise!Mine still doesn't believe the scans and the dr and is waiting for the baby to be a boy.Grrrr...
sara,if you end up with 3 boys,you can borrow one of my girls to doll up...it is fun,have to say!
illahee,LMAO at your MIL's comment.And all my freinds who have one of each do say that they have no pressure at all for a No 3...
Sophie,I can well imagine that you get that pressure from your two!!Annie,who would get teary eyed and really defensive when we tried to make her realise earlier on that this baby might be a boy,told me a week or so back that she wants another baby and yes,a boy.I reckon they just want to pick on a little brother;).We would like a 3rd but what with my age and finaces it is really not on the cards(and let me get this one out first!).It is sad but as you say,what can beat having 2 happy and healthy children.How wonderful is that.
marianne - hello! first, thanks for coming by my (oft neglected) blog!
big congratulations to you also! i am LOVING the cool breeze that blew in yesterday right now too - though thinking your apple drink idea sounds lovely anyway!
amazing what people still think and SAY isn't it!?! i must be lucky or scary because thankfully no stranger ever says anything to me other than possibly a greeting...sometimes i think i would like it if someone ever tried to strike a conversation with me! but, on the other hand, if all they had to say was that i should try for a boy...maybe not.
i agree wholeheartedly with you - i'm happy that those with boys enjoy the boys and those with girls enjoy the girls but in the end we all will be delighted with our children regardless, right?
wishing you a wonderful final month of pregnancy and can't wait to hear the name!
Must be the most common question asked to me too- so you gonna try for the girl?
I think it's also a thing to "say" (such as "Do you like sushi and can you use chopsticks") but it happens here all the time too - I know if I had a 3rd it would 99% likely be a boy and I'd be very happy, but I'm happy with my 2 lads. I feel sorry for those who really do hanker after a boy or girl and become totally obsessive as you do loose sight of the child.
All I'll say is it is logistically easier having the same sex!
Hx
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