Hmmmmm
Two comments in so many days about Annie pissed me off.
1. Went to a local restaurant for a meal.The owner came out,saw Annie and happily exclaimed "Ooooh,she looks just like JonBenent". Sorry but although JonBenet Ramsey was a beautiful little girl,she came to a very tragic end and I really wouldn't use her in a comparison with another child .Maybe I am being too sensitive.But I,Kenichi and MIL all found it rather distasteful.And really,however hard one might squint,our Annie ain't no blonde American babe.
2. I was asked by a local lady how many foreign children go to Annie's day-care centre.I said "None". She replied with "So,it's just your daughter who is foreign then". WTF???I was so taken aback with her comment that I let it go.I am ashamed with myself.
posted by marianne at
10:24 pm
5 Comments:
Oh my, comparing your daughter to a little girl who died a tragic death. I can totally understand why you would be upset about that. I'd be upset about a comment like that as well. However, your daughter is a gorgeous little babe though! He he he. But yes, the comparison to a girl who died tragically, that would get to me as well.
And I am *so* glad you brought this up about somebody calling your daughter a foreigner, regarding the daycare. I am planning to blog about something along these same lines as well. Someone called my youngest son a foreigner. It really, really upset me. However, I didn't say anything to correct it either. Ugh! : )
I'm in total agreement with you. Great post by the way : )
Some people are just totally weird when it comes to comparisons - do you remember being compared to Brooke Shields when you first came over Marianne...?! From a not living in Japan standpoint and not having had this happen to me I'd just say it was a totally stupid comment and not meant as an insult... so wouldn't get too wound up about it however unfortunate it was.
Also as far as the foreigner thing goes - what happens when you just say quite casually that Annie is in fact Japanese and just leave it at that. I think (for what it's worth - and yes I know I'm in blighty and my kids don't have this "stigma" but I can have an opinion nevertheless...) that making an undue fuss may cause it all to be worse for Annie and probably your nonchalent (albeit in shock) attitude probably does more good for her than if you did get aggressive. I know from our conversations that this is extremely sensitive issue. On good days you can probably just let it go. I am concerned that Annie might realise that she is very different if a fuss is made. What do you think? Anyhow that's my twopennysworth from a distant perspective... Hx
no comments, but it drives me crazy when people go out of their way to get a look at hiro...
Thanks for the comments and Helen,I really appreciate your input,too:-)
Just to clarify though,the JonBenet comment didn't upset me because Annie was being compared .It just seemed so inappropriate that a child who was sexually abused then strangled to death was seen as a good comaprison to my own baby.Looks or not,come on,not a good thing to say.
And the "Foreigner "comment.Again,I didn't explain it well enough.Sorry!It was a local woman who said it;someone who we have known for years,who I taught English to and knows the family well.And it was just upsetting to hear her say it.Heard it So many times but I always have some vague hope that local people get the idea of Annie looking different but still being as Japanese as they are.
Every day,seriously, get to hear ignorant comments.How many times have we heard "Does she understand Japanese?"," When did you come over here to live?", "Hallo...you speak Engleesh??","Wow!A gaijin baby!" and today was a "Mummy,look at that freak!She scares me....she looks like a monster". That blew me away but...And every time we have just smiled,said the "Well,she is actually Japanese,you know" bit and walked away with a smile(so far!!)
I think what I was trying to say(badly!) is that somedays one can cope with the comments/looks and some days it hurts and one does feel down at times.And those are the times when one feels hopeless because one is unable to protect ones own child.It's a day to day thing and I know that I am learning with each day and each comment. As illahee said,it is so frustrating when someone comes back for another look....what can you do but walk away.
You are so right M with your attitude. I was basing my comments on it when you came over whenever it was now - seems an AGE ago and things were still very ripe and raw for you.
I guess what you guys are experiencing is what alot of immigrants experienced when they came to the UK and the 2nd/3rd generations were just not accepted as being British. And you guys are on the front line. Not a nice place to be.
Anyhow ganbatte and keep smiling and hope most days are good days!
Hx
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